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2002-03-24 - 12:30 a.m.

going through pregancny envy. don't really want a baby right now, but I want to be pregnant. part of it is step-sibling rivalry, I guess, but also, I don't know, is

22 to early to hear your clock start to tick? I think part of it is I've always wanted to have kids, even when I was pregnant before and had to have an abortion. It just wasn't feasible then. But now, if, for some weird reason my birth control stopped working and I got pregnant, we could have a baby. It would be possible. And that may be part of the problem.

I am reading one woman's online pregancy diary that I'm not even

going to link to from here, because what I'm about to say is mean:

I think that I would be a much better pregnant woman then her. She is scared about everything, and afraid to ask questions. If you are frightened that your baby is ill, ask someone something! Call your mom, a woman friend or something if you are afraid of your doctor!

Feeling a little better. The crazy pregnant lady has a midwife who she loves, so it should be good.

Listening to the Pretty in Pink soundtrack. Yes, THAT Pretty in Pink. Back when Matt and I first started dating, he made me a bunch of tapes, which I think I've mentioned before. This one is Pretty in Pink on one side and Shriekback - Oil and Gold on the second. Oh my GOD! I love Shriekback. Highly recommended. They have a song titled "Everything that Rises," and the chorus has this bit "It's blue, blue, blue/the color and the surge/everything that rises/must converge" or something damn close. Its a literary reference! Flannery O'Connor. These things are very exciting. And another song, called "Hammerhead", is also incredibly catchy. Oh yeah, and "Coealocanth." And oh, so 80's. I can't tell whether Quarters would like it or not. It's vaguely new wave, and he has that New Order love...

Also, I think Shriekback is the only rock band ever to use the word "parthenogenesis" in a song, though Clutch won my everlasting love by working "australopiphecus" into a song, as well as the line "Me Cray, You Abacus."


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