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2002-06-03 - 1:13 a.m.

everynow and then i have to do this just to remember what i'm writing about:

1. Sarah

2. baby stuff

3. matt away

4. eating

1. Sarah is my stepsister, who I saw a couple weekends ago. Much to my glee, she has a huge ass and fat arms. And unlike some people (you better know if i'm talking about you :)) i strongly suspect she's going to struggle to get back to pre-baby weight. Which is horrible of me, but she's been slyly mocking my weight for years. So there.

2. And this all feeds into topic #2, my serious case of baby envy. It's currently a little bit in relapse, though thanks to folks for their support. As I was saying to Jean, there are so many reasons I can't have a baby right now, and one of them is that I'm in horrible shape and wicked fat. I'm gestational diabetes weighting to happen. My blood pressure is stupidly high already. I would just be miserable pregnant, and I don't want to be a fat mom. So that's put the damper on my baby longing.

3. Matt's away until friday. Major trauma. I'm still not really over the last time he went away, and neither is he. He's been wicked clingy and needy lately, and his buddy from work couldn't make this business trip, so he's going to be lonely.

4. Which segues into my fourth topic. Eating. My eating went out of control today, and I bought a pack of cigarettes. Oops. They're nasty, though. I don't know if they're really stale, or if I'm just *gasp* finally starting to dislike cloves. I'm kind of sad, if that's the case.

Ok, i'm really bored of typing, but I've been meaning to update. By the way, for a complete record of my stream-of-counsciousness, you can check out my blog. the archive link does not work, 'cuz i host the blog on blogspot and not on my own space. I can't believe how long it took me to figure that one out!


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