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2002-06-22 - 12:06 a.m.

I have had a few things I want to write about, but I'm a lazy bitch, so I didn't get to them. Catholic Weddings (with a sub-set of Barbie Feminism) and Driving Lessons.

I didn't realize that you don't kiss the bride at the end of a Catholic Wedding. Matt and I were watching the end of Marriage and America, a documentary on A&E, and we were watching the Big Catholic Wedding. Matt said, "Hey, did you notice? At the end, Catholics don't say, 'You may now kiss the bride.'"

"What? Even now, in this day and age?" I asked.

"Nope. Jason [his brother in law] didn't kiss Heidi [his sister] at the end of their ceremony. That's just now how Catholic Weddings work."

I sat, dumbfounded. And then I cried a little.

Before y'all laugh and mock (and I know who will), let me utter a disclaimer: PMS. But there was some real emotion behind it, and I know I'll get made fun of for that, too. And I'll bitch about that later. Ever since I was a little girl, like a lot of little girls, I have imagined how my wedding would be. Even though I hate Julia Roberts, I liked her barefoot wedding idea. I like being in barefeet, and white shoes are usually ugly anyway. All this imagining, everything always changes in my imagination (including who I marry) but there is always that moment at the end, when the person in charge says, "You may now kiss the bride." Having agreed to a Catholic Wedding....I will never get that moment. The only one I really wanted.

Ok, everyone can mock me now. I'm just saying. That's all.

On to topic number 2. Driving Mr. B Crazy. My driving teacher, Mr. B, is very interesting. He caught Malaria in the Africa Campaign. Near as I can figure, the last time we had any major war that we actually sent people to Africa was world war 2, he's probably pushing 80. My reasoning here is he also tossed off the phrase "Africa Campaign" like it was big, important, and recognizable. I connect the words "Africa Campaign" with WWI myself, but I think that was mostly Brits, anyway. Mr. B is pretty sexist, and thinks that pedestrians having the right of way is a bad idea. Oh well, that's what happens when you drive through Northampton MA on a regular basis. He made me drive back through the center of town, and there was a girl in the crosswalk wearing a mini skirt. "You know, every time I see a girl wearing one of those, you know what?" I shook my head and tried not to run over any idiots launching themselves into the road. (Apparently, crosswalks are an anathema to women with baby strollers. God knows why, I certainly don't.) "They are constantly tugging the skirts DOWN. Seems that defeats the purpose. Stupid."

"I heartily agree," I replied, tensely. Apparently dogs and skate boarders hate crosswalks, too.

He also has this thing going on with the State Trooper who does the actual driving tests. All the driving schools know they aren't supposed to drive the test route, and especially not during the day when testing is going on. So Mr. B makes drive through the Registry constantly to make sure that the cops aren't starting a test. Then, if they aren't, we run through the course quickly. There have been a couple times when the rival driving school (also run by a Mr. B....but a different B) is pulling in at the same time that I am with Mr. B, and that Dave, the state trooper is coming out of the registry to get into a car and test those moments, you can feel the stares. It's a showdown worthy of any western.

I had more to say, about feminist barbies, but I guess I'll save that rant for later.

Oh, and I finally mean to link my blog. This is just my kind of background noise, lots of links to things I find interesting in a day, sort of a running notebook of what I linger on during the day. The archive doesn't work because the blog is hosted on blogger itself, not in my own ftp space. Someday, when I actually invest in some real live hosting, I might post it on my site. But for now, there it is. I'll try to throw it into the drop-down on the left, too. That's also a good place to find quick links to archive pages, just in case you were wondering.


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