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2002-07-31 - 10:58 p.m.

OK, danger Will Robinson. I am going to write about sex. If you don't want to know...go somewhere else. Have a nice look at KnitDad's blog or something.

I got to have sex again last night. I was thrilled. Twice in three days...sad, but its been a very long time since that happened. And I was awake this time.

I was talking about how Voltron got me interested in fan fiction, in a roundabout kind of way. When I was little, my sister Nicole and I used to make up all these scenarios and stories with our favorite characters from tv shows and books. I also used to daydream that I was one of the characters. A scene I remember in particular was a Voltron scene where the princess was sick, in the hospital, and the black and red riders were fighting over who loved her more. I don't know if that has any relationship to any real episodes, I seem to recall it may have, but not in the detail that my memory has.

Anyway, I was explaining to Matt that all those scenes that I used to create in my head with characters from books, movies and tv shows is what I like about fan fiction. I can understand the mentality behind it. Of course, my excuse was that I was 7 years old and couldn't make up characters on my own, so I borrowed tv characters...

Matt asked, "so how does that explain your fascination with slash?"

"Easy," I replied. "That has less to do with the actual fan fiction, and more to do with explicit gay sex. I love gay porn."

Then I tried to explain why I like gay porn so much. I think it's partially a humor thing; guys in regular porn like butt sex so much that it amuses me to see guys take it. It's also because regular porn usually makes me feel guilty. So much of what I have seen seems degrading - I'm so not a fan of semen collected on things. If you're having sex and you get carried away, whatever, but coming all over a woman's face seems so, proprietary and degrading...and its in every porno I see. I just don't like it very much. But when its two guys doing it to each doesn't seem degrading, its just two guys doing something they like to each other. I don't really like most of the girl on girl stuff I've seen...usually because I've seen the girls doing guys earlier in the movie, or because their fingernails just look dangerous to each other and their soft tissues.

I don't think I was able to explain myself very well. Maybe I should look for better porn. I have a lot of written porn - okay, fine, erotica. I specialize in old french pron. DeSade, and all the other weird stuff. I just acquired "The Story of the Eye" and for something that is supposed to be the most scandalous thing ever...I was not that shocked. But maybe I am just way too jaded. After one of the stories in a compilation I ordered through my book club, where in sex culminates in heads being chopped off, it takes a lot to shock me. I wonder if it is just the old school french pron that gets so violent and shit obsessed? Or any old pron? Dunno. Only seen old english and old french...the french seem to be into death and shit, and the british seem to be into hairless little girls, and spanking/birching. I have half a mind to write a paper on this stuff...comparitive lit anyone?


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