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2002-09-04 - 12:17 a.m.

Hoo boy. I had so much to say, and then I just...didn't. Oh well. Big hello out to my dear old pal (not that she's old, upcoming birthday aside, she was only a year ahead of me in high school) Jen. In one of life's (and online journaling's) strange twists of fate, I found her diary two days ago. Now I'm all caught up. I am sooo happy to find her. So, buddy, I guess I owe you one. Just don't make it too painful, 'kay?

I meant to write about all my inner turmoil, and the reason I picked up a pack of cigarettes tonight. But honestly, I'm just too happy to get my guestbook signed by Jen. I also just realized that when I changed my template a few months back, I never re-entered my site counter code back in, and that's why my site reports keep coming in all zeroes, even though I KNOW people are reading and guestbooks are getting signed. I need to remember that being in tech support does not make me flawless. Especially with this whole ftp, diary thing.

Tech support. That brings me back to my current state of mind. I am officially being changed from tech support, which I love, to customer service...which is a noble profession, to be sure, but not what I signed up for. Not at all.

I came home and cried last week cause I can't figure out how I'm going to pay for anything to make my life more what I want it to be. I just want to buy a car and finish school. I could do one or the other, but only on very strict rationing, and no money left over for saving. Which means all the things I want to do further down the road, like oh, a house, a wedding, a baby...are all going to have to wait longer than I felt like waiting. And more immediate selfish little needs, like a scanner, or yoga class are completely out of the question. I don't understand how Matt and I can make a middle-class living, and still be on the brink of financial disaster...and that's only with one car, and one person insured to drive it.

My niece (step-niece technically, but whatever) had to go back to the hospital for a few days for jaundice. That was a big deal for my family. I was a little concerned, but since I understand what the condition is, I didn't freak out. My whole stepfamily just lost it. It sounded so big and scary...and they had no idea what it entailed. But that's a rant for another day. The most important thing is that Madison is okay and home from the hospital.

I had a little more to write, probably about Matt using my computer so much that his email address and web sites come up in the auto complete forms on my computer...and that my computer now blue screens (not the dreaded BSOD, just a random completely blank XP blue screen on start up) since he installed Arcanum. And that he wakes up earlier then me and lets me sleep in specifically so he can use my computer a little bit longer. Oh well. I guess its just payback for those 3 years when I shared his. But whenever he said, "Its my computer," I just logged out...none of this, "five more minutes," crap. Oh, and I know your little secret. You can save anywhere in this don't HAVE to be at a save point. That's the first thing I figure out in any game he's playing. It sounds so petty when I type this shit out. And people wonder why I deal with him. I can't explain, "Well, I just love him so much it hurts."

In the words of Dennis Miller..."Common sense is when you know enough to admit that you don't have a big finish.

"I don't have a big finish."


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