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2002-09-27 - 7:56 p.m.

I dreamt last night that I got married without my father being there. I then ran into my aunts (dad's sisters) in Florida, and they were very happy for me, but surprised. I had a HUGE wedding ring on. At the actual wedding, my mom walked me down the aisle. I remember that when I woke up, I wished that could happen in real life. It's really my mom who has to give me away. My dad threw me away years ago.

When I woke up, I staggered out to the living room, just in time to watch, "A Wedding Story" on TLC. That show, combined with my dream, makes me want to elope. I wish that we could just run off to the cape and get married on the beach, and just be done with the whole business. I just need to find a Catholic priest to run with us...

I broached the subject of Wedding to Matt today...I told him about my dream, and then said, "You know, if we're going to get married when we said we're going to, we need to start seriously start talking about this." He laughed. It's that same laugh he gets when I bring up a topic he doesn't want to talk about, like why we don't have sex more frequently, or when we're going to have kids, or what his plans for the future are. Oh well. I did bring up later that I think this current apartment is big enough to have a kid, at least a kid under 18 months. So we can stay here for a while. He just said, "Really, you think so?"

I'm trying not to push him. I just want some direction. As they say in Baldur's Gate, "Give me some direction!"


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