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2002-10-24 - 8:39 p.m.

note to self: I wish I was a picses just so I could have this week's horoscope from Rob Brezny:

"Imagine you're swinging from the chandelier after midnight at the party of the year. The chandelier breaks, and you're thrown into the lap of an interesting-looking wallflower who's been sitting in the corner muttering into a cell phone all evening. The moment you land, the wallflower flatters you with outrageous praise, followed by an insightful critique of you that's both embarrassing and helpful, followed by another dollop of praise, followed by an invitation to leave for the airport together and get on a plane for Egypt. While this scenario may not literally occur, Pisces, it's a close metaphorical approximation of what your upcoming future will be like."

Of course, the yahoo Gemini horoscope for today IS pretty accurate for me:

"If you feel as though you are having difficulty breathing, dear Gemini, or if you are more and more clumsy today, take half an hour to relax in some peaceful garden. Sit down and examine the anger that you have never expressed. It seems it has been transformed into unconscious anxiety. Could it be that you are more discontent with your work than you allow yourself to admit?"

I'm feeling reflective today. I went back and read some old diary entries, and some secret diary entries, and I'm just feeling kinda BLEH about the whole thing. There's a lot of stuff contributing to my bleh, but I don't really want to get into it. Instead, I will talk about my cat. Yes, I'm turning into one of THOSE people.

Virgil came home safe and sound from the vet last night, minus two testicles and hopped up on sedatives/painkillers. He wove around the apartment, and tried to jump on things that were ridiculously high that he never tried to jump on before. His obsession with opening doors caused him to yowl insanely loudly at every closed door in the apartment, with his eyes squeezed closed. It's like every closed door is an affront to all of his senses, including the missing genitalia.


God, I'm all over the map today. I was a fuckin' wreck earlier, and still kinda jittery, but I think that's just caffeine/sugar. I'm wondering if I can get away with eating yogurt at my desk, because I'm too lazy to leave. That question might be answered by my lack of cutlery, though; I don't think even I can eat yogurt very successfully with chopsticks.

I'm very emotional, but I don't want to think about it too much. I'm feeling very constricted, and I don't think that's very good. I have all this incredible jealousy right now, too, toward everyone else's life, and I don't know how to handle it.

Family is frustrating - my stepmother is starting the annual battle to get us out to visit her, complicated by the newly acquired cat and a trip out to eastern MA for my maternal grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary. Plus, I don't have any vacation time left over, because two months ago I thought I'd have Saturdays/Sundays off throughout the holiday season to do visiting in. Then work shift bid nastiness happened, and now I've got Fridays/Saturdays, which is kinda okay as far as traveling is concerned, but not really good for visiting.

I'm just not very good for an entry today. Sorry. I think I'll just leave it here, and knit some more.


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