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2002-12-16 - 9:24 p.m.

Hmmm. It's all Nick's fault. Vegan Bowling Nick. Not Quarters Nick. But then again, the seeds were already there.

There are two pictures on my wall at work. One is of my cat, the other is of Matt. The picture of the cat is cute because he's laying on his side, and the flash is really bright, so you can see his markings perfectly. The picture of Matt is from our first vacation together, which, now that I think about it, is our only vacation together where it was just us. Which could mean that we learned from the first vacation - we spent the whole vacation in an awkward, emotional mess. But, at least Matt was talking about his feelings. That's one thing I can say for Prozac. Matt was not afraid to feel things and talk about them, though most of what he talked about was that he couldn't feel his feelings. It was more like he knew what they were, but they couldn't hurt him. "I know that I'm still really upset about the things that happened last winter, but they don't make me want to die right now." Kind of like that.

But...I digress. In the picture, he is wearing a white t-shirt, blue jeans, a belt, and his sunglasses. On his belt is the carbiner that he still has his keys on now, and his leatherman. I've replaced the leatherman's case, and he doesn't wear the rune necklace anymore, but other than that...that could be any day between then and now. Everything is the same. And then I realized I'm wearing a shirt that I've had since highschool, and many pictures have been taken of me, in this shirt, with my hair in two buns, which is how I was wearing my hair today...all I'm missing is the black eyeliner.

So, I was already in a high school mood. Then I started reading the book that he lent me - The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. I have been meaning to read this book since it came out. I wrote the title down in a number of places, and copied it from notebook to notebook so I wouldn't forget...

I love this book, but it makes me sad and scared. There's talk of Peter Pan, and that makes me sad. I don't know how to describe how this book makes me feel. But it makes me want to download the songs and make my own mix tape with handcolored label.

 

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