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2002-12-19 - 8:17 p.m.

Can't get out of this family depression thing. My stepmother just sent me an email where she compared my relationship w/ Matt (been together for 4 1/2 years straight, lived together for 3 1/2 and counting) with my 17 year old stepsister's 2 year relationship with her boyfriend. Blech. It's bad enough that no one took us seriously after the other stepsister got married (incidentally, married and dating they've been together for 6 months less than Matt and I), but to be compared to a high school couple? Very annoying.

If my dad doesn't want us to share a bedroom while we're overnighting at my dad's house, I wonder if I have the guts to mention the 2 years he shared a bed w/ my stepmother before they got married...we don't even have kids to corrupt.

I'm going to go get a cup of coffee and some hostess cupcakes. Maybe that will slow down the flow of vitrol.

*gulp* *CHOMP*

Nope. Still bitter. I don't know why I let this shit get to me. I just don't know. I guess it all goes back to my previous entry, and me just being human. I want attention. I want people who are supposed to be my "family" to know who I am, and pay attention to me.

**much later**

Great. Just great. I'm having an Alexander type day...I just found out that I did NOT get the new position I desperately wanted. of January first, bye-bye nice job, bye-bye fun job with fun co-workers, bye-bye job that I do amazingly well...hello, horrible job that I hate.

I'm just a fucking joy to be around, today. ** even later ** I just have to keep saying to myself: She's not gloating. She's not gloating. She's just...happy. And you're being a good friend. No one else will let her gush. Any one else would take it personally...but then, draw the line. When she starts saying, "But I feel so bad..." don't let her continue. I can take her being happy, but I can't take her pity.


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