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2003-07-09 - 1:51 p.m.

I meant to post this yesterday:

So, today I come into work, only to have my supervisor tell me that there's a big meeting. They are taking people off the phones, and pulling them all into one big mass by the front desk. Then the call center director gets up and tells us that this call center is closing, and everyone in it is losing their job as of September 5th.

moment of silence, panic.

For those of you keeping track, this means that both Matt and I will be jobless in 2 months.

I burst into tears, which annoyed me. Not because I was sad or scared, but because I was MAD. I was angry that this compnay dicked me over again. I was mad that I worked my butt off since I was kicked back to the phone, and none of that makes any difference. All the hard work I do here doesn't mean anything, because good or bad, all employees get the shaft.

I'm pissed.

So in an effort to make myself feel better, I planned to binge. I've always been an emotional eater. But try as I might, I can't break this diet. So I tried to binge on pork rinds...and I ended up choking on them, and coughing and gagging in the bathroom for 5 minutes.


Instead, I reverted to another bad habit. Thanks to the kindness of strangers (and friends) I have smoked a total of 3 clove cigarettes today, and I'm saving one more for my last break, where I'm going to call my mom and try not to cry. I'm trying really, really hard not to have an anxiety attack. I'm failing pretty miserably right now. I wish I could find my supervisor to beg for a quick smoke break...or if I could leave 2 hrs early...Matt wants to hang in there, but I don't know if I can really make it through the next 3 hrs.


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